NSG 6999 W3 D1 -Obesity Assignment

NSG 6999 W3 D1 -Obesity Assignment

NSG 6999 W3 D1 -Obesity Assignment

In adult patients in the primary care setting with obesity (p), how does a weight loss program that includes behavioral therapy, diet and exercise accompanied by using a mobile app(I) compared to a weight loss program that includes only diet and exercise (c) leads to healthier outcomes for obese patients (o) within a time frame of three months (t)?

Criteria                                                                                                                                         Actual/Possible points

Organization:

Introduction (2.5 points each):                                                                                                            5          /5

__x Cited Attention Getter               __ Not cited Attention Getter

_x_ Clear Thesis statement              __ No or Unclear thesis statement

Body(5 points each):                                                                                                                         6        /10

__x Clear topic sentence                  __ Unclear topic sentences

__ Effective transitions                    x__ No transitions

Conclusion (2.5 points each):                                                                                                             5             /5

x__ Paraphrases Central Idea           __ Exact C.I. restatement or nothing

x__ Explicitly ties back to A.G.       __ no tie back

Analysis (10 points each):                                                                                                                             20        /40

__x  ‘ism’ thoroughly described      __ unclear/ perfunctory description

_ Rhetorical appeals  Analyzed                      x_ unclear analysis

__ Target Audience analyzed                        x__ No/inaccurate  audience analysis

_x_ Critical cultural elements                        __ No analysis of critical cultural elements

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Writing:                                                                                                                                                                10        /10

_x_ Grammar/ spelling Correct       __ Grammatical/ spelling errors

Within constraints:

1,000-1,500 words/ word count included after the works cited/references                                                        15     /15

Cites following APA (references) or MLA (works cited)                                                                15         /15

***PAPERS UNDER 1000 WORDS WILL NOT BE ACCEPTED

 

Total:                                                                       76/100= __22.8_/30

You have a decent introduction, but are missing an attention getter.  Your thesis is almost there— but it needed to be a little bit clearer about what you mean “in regard to the three waves of feminism.” Remember that the requirement of the paper is to analyze the rhetorical arguments made by “feminism” so it would be useful for your thesis to clearly explain your position on the topic as well as a preview of what the essay will cover. For example, “this essay argues for/against feminism by first explaining what utopia is, then_____, and finally by _____.” Secondly, you need to use transitions to increase the flow and clarity of your essay. After the first paragraph you could have written “the next paragraph will explain______” and that would have been sufficient.  You provide a history of how feminism is useful but only provide one citation.

Make sure you cite these things because they are not common knowledge and may make readers suspicious of unattributed facts (as not being credible) or worse, as plagiarism. While I appreciate your contemplation of the uses of feminism, it would be useful if you followed the essay requirements and analyzed the rhetorical moves that feminism offers (ethos, pathos, logos, what fallacies are present? Etc). All of your paragraphs could use clearer transitions at the end of each paragraph to summarize the previous paragraph and introduce the next topic.

The essay would have benefitted from a more apt analysis of the rhetorical techniques used by feminism— specifically what is the motivating factor in mobilizing people? What technique is being used there? How is ethos, pathos, and logos being used to garner support? That was the assignment. Your writing is good and well researched, but it misses many of the requirements of this assignment. You provide many examples that do not explicitly connect to the thesis or the argument. Finally, your conclusion is good, but the entire essay misses the requirement of analyzing the rhetorical devices and techniques used in feminism. It seems as if the essay was written for a different course.